"Please ra"

The words have been echoing in my head since morning. I wanted to post after a long time taking Harita's advise. But I don't know what to post about. The words though, were strong in my head, mean so little to everyone else. I see a blog topic here, about things we feel strongly about but are lost in the void of expression. But I'm feeling too lazy to think about it.

The days are going by lazily. I'm flat broke and Jobless. I'm looking for a good job that would pay me handsomely. something like atleast 25kpm in-hand. No luck yet. Came across a few openings but in Java world though. For one, I'm not a master at Java and secondly, I'm afraid I can't switch over to C at a later date if I get settled in it.

A friend referred me to VMWare, but I haven't heard from them yet. I wish I could make it this time. I really don't have any good opportunities in sight beyond that. BTW, if any of you guys come across any openings, please let me know.

May be I should be bothered about my situation. May be I should worry about it and take it really seriously and throw a tantrum. The fact is I can't. Even when people called me careless, and the ones dear pointed out that I'm being irresponsible. Believe me, I tried to worry about all of it, but nothing really matters.

Like always, I'm not a good 'ender'. So this marks the last sentence of the post.

self centered

Just a couple of minutes back, I was commenting on a blog post, which at best can be described as personal life and routine. The post was so good that I thought I should appreciate the author and leave a comment adding my two cents. I thought I should because comments on my blog makes me happy. :) knowing that there is some one out there reading and generally interested in my otherwise brilliant but monotonous-for-most-part life. All is well and good till there. What I suddenly realized was that the comment ran with only one central theme. 'Me', on the topics she touched. I didn't know what else to write, I don't know the person personally to add anything to it. I don't think I'm a judge enough to give advises or know enough to make suggestions.

But still, why should the theme be 'me'? Why is it that, the thoughts that jumped into my head are about 'me'? Am I so self centered. If I leave the same content as my blog post, that would be perfectly well. This is my blog and my life. But how can I be justified, if-et-all I could be justified, to brag about my self on some body else's blog? What would they be thinking? This isn't the first time I did this. If you are one of those (hopefully not) abused by me, please frankly let me know what you thought. Leave a comment. ;)

Thank you.

OBE

Today evening I tried astral projection. Laugh if you want but I do believe in it and today isn't the first time. In fact, I've been trying since 5-6 years. However today is different. I never had this experience before.

I was in conscious trance; I was aware of that. The next step would be to get out of the body. But try as I might, I couldn't. I couldn't move a muscle, if the expression makes any sense. Suddenly I was loosing control of my body (or the astral counterpart of it). I can feel my heart slowly starting to beat harder. Now the rhythm was really deep and hard. I can feel it all around me. Its driving all the thoughts out of my mind. Slowly even the thought to move left my mind. The rhythm around me is the only thing. I can't feel anything anymore.

Then I realized I was awake. No I didn't wake up. Its hard to explain. I kind of slept in my sleep into reality. I was feeling really strange. I felt as if the reality I'm in at the moment is nothing more than a dream.

Though awake and conscious of everything around me, I was still in a kind of trance. I could see everything around me without actually seeing. Its as if my mind suddenly became capable of simulating the world around me. I tried but I couldn't move a muscle (this time, in the real sense). My heart is still beating really hard and I can feel my muscle pulsating in rhythm. Its cold all around and I'm all drenched in sweat. Then came the ache. My body is all exhausted and aching all over; every muscle and ligament in my body felt as if it's reached its limit. I was lying there like that for quite some time. I had no sense of time during that period. I couldn't even open my eyes.

Once I became aware of the state of my body, it slowly started returning to normal. The heart beat became normal. The sweat slowly dried up, and body came into control. Of course I felt really exhausted and my mind is still feeling kind of dizzy and frustrating, uneasy with strange feeling, but at least I could act normal.