Virahini

With all these thoughts filling up my mind,
like poisoned needles, slowly and delicately
making my head heavier than lead.
I can't write anything more.
With every thought, the thread is lost.
I don't find solitude in words anymore.
I wonder weather I'm existing still or gone for the good.
So that's it chaps, more if I ever make it back.

Lonely

I lay in bed,
alone in the dark.
........

Oh! so many poems start like this, It's so boring.

too lazy to turn on the light,
and yeah, its night

Why else would I be in the dark unless you count occasional blackouts! any ways where were we? oh yeah, on the bed. right?

My computer goes 'woosh'.
I get up with a 'swish'.
I hit the keyboard with a 'tap'.
My monitor goes on with a 'flick'.

'woosh' is incoming IM alert. 'swish' is the sound of bed sheets. I have to 'tap' the ctrl key ofcourse to wake up the Darkmatter and 'flick' is the discharge in capacitors as the monitor resumes from the stdby.

Its just a silly fwd,
about some two month old girl,
down with some decease,
placed in suspended animation

So riddiculous that some times when I get this fwd, there is no contact details or anything. How can people be so stupid. Whats the whole point of the fwd then? I concluded she is kept in suspended animation because she had been two month old since last three years I was in college.

I call airtel,
that's driving me mental.
Sitting in the window sill,
I argue that I already paid the bill.

I pay them good 1500 bucks and they forget all about it after giving me a manual reciept. They don't update the account in database and as I result my outgoing was disconnected. And I have to sit in the window sill because thats the only place I would get a fair signal.

I go out for dinner,
no one would come along.
I jump on my bike and kick on,
Only to find many more already there.

So that's how lonely I feel. Got the point?

Why doesn't anyone come to my room?
Why should I be over joyed at the incoming IM?
Why should I be jumping out of the bed from sleep not wanting to miss it?
Why should I be infuriated to see the silly forward?
Why should I be mad at the prospect of disconnection of out going?
Why didn't I notice until two days later when my incoming too was disconnected later on?
Why should I be over joyed to hear the drums being played everytime I get an SMS?
Why should the ringing tone assigned to the one I love be titled 'delusions'?
Why do I want to call anyone I see to come along for dinner?
Why did I want to sit apart from the others, who came in earlier to the restaurent?
Why did I feel more full and contempt when I had a simple breakfast next morning with some one to keep me company?
Not the questions. They are answers. I'm not alone. I wouldn't feel so lonely in the middle of a dessert.
As a kid, when we lived in a colony on the outskirts of the city, I used to cry every sunday evening when I had to spend the whole day away from school. Why?
Even on a one week vacation, knowing my pathetic health, I make sure to visit as many friends and family members all around the state. Why?
Even if it means that I have to attend the classes with 104 fever, I take atleast three such vacations every sem. Why?
I'm not alone. I'm only lonely.

Hurt and angry

I'm hurt because no one wants to talk to me.
No one talks to me because they don't like to.
They don't like to because they think I'm an idiot.
"Here I am brain the size of a small galaxy and no one even wants to talk to me."

I'm angry because I can't share my joy.
I can't share my joy because I never knew how to.
I never learnt to share because I always felt alone.
"Wearily I sit here, pain and misery my only companions."

Treat

Last friday we had our S/W Engg. project final presentation. And later in the evening our Project Manager gave us a treat at Tomatoes, Ahmedabad. Here are a few pics.

I haven't posted them here because I don't find this template aesthatically suited for images. I'll like to have text only here. ...and BTW I have a lab exam tomorrow. I'll be writing more about the treat later.

Does any one remember?

kaaki kaaki kadavala kaaki
kaaki notlo dheepam buddi

dheepam thiiskeL(Li) dhibba kisthE
dhibba naaku gaddi nichche

gaddi thiiskeL(Li) aavu kisthE
aavu naaku pAlu ichche

pAlu theeskeL(Li) panthul(u) kisthE
panthul(u) naaku padhyam cheppe

padhyam theeskeL(Li) maamak(i) chepthE
maama naaku pilla nichche

pilla pEru malle mogga
naa pEru jamindhaar 

V

and I thought I had problems.

It's not about the movie nor about revolution. "Ideas are bullet-proof."

Bad things come in pairs

Here is how it all started. First of all I lost my room key.

I was browsing the net and found out that there is a new firmware update to my phone. I went to food court and when I opened my phone I didn't find the stylus. Dropped it somewhere.

I almost completed the user part of our sen after two sleepless nights. I designed the project and I was taking care ofmost of the coding. I got it well layed out with work devided to everyone who does any coding in a clear cut fashion and asked them not to touch others' work. I thought people would mess up but wasn't aware of the fact that some one could be so dumb that she could actually disregard clear instructions in plain english and destroy my entire work without touching her own. Entire work gone "puff..." without even smoke.

Yesterday I got my bike repaired and serviced. I was bringing back my bike and meet with this accident. All the complaints I initially had came right back and a few more new ones. As a bonus, I lost my Sun glasses too.

After the servicing is done, I withdrew money, some 5k, from Sandeep's account. As he owes me upwards of 2.5k, I thought I can rest without money troubles for a while now. Last night I checked the accounts and cross checked it with the cash in purse and slept, only to find that the purse was stolen right from my table draw no more than just a foot away from my bed. And to realise that I slept as if I was drugged only today for 14hr whereas it's only 2-4hr any other day, call it fate?

After all this its natural for someoneto be really upset I guess. So was I. Kanthi was online and I thought a chat could cheer me up. She was as cheerful as ever. We were talking and she is being silly. Something I would have really liked but in all the frustration, I called her 'nuts'. Damn me. I bet she felt bad. I didn't even apolagise as she went offline right after. Okay! When I got time to say bye, I got time enough to say sorry but I wasn't really about to. I'm really making things worse.

Tag.. Tag..

huh, Things you may not know? this is going to be hard. Anyways, here you go.5 things you may not know...

about where I live

• I modded most of the hostel furniture for my conviniance
• I got lot of dust and old things, including dead cells(batteries, not biological ones[:P]) piled under my bed
• I always keep my towel [;)] near the bed

The other two are about my room back at home

• I planned almost everything about the room, from electric and data lines to curtains and sinks
• The one thing I hate most about my crib is the stairs, but it helps keep the others away and offers good amount of privacy.

about my personality
this is easy

• I like my PC more than any person in this college and most of the people around me.
• I hate having to deal with girls, well, most of them.
• I'm really confused about my personality, its like I have two voices inside of me.
• I like to store and index every bit of information: sms, emails, phonecalls and even dreams. I chronicalise them all and index them.
• My love is like a waterfall. Beautiful and fun to hang around. But you'll be crushed by the sheer force if you are standing inside unless you got equally strong passion for me.

I would really like to have

• A mac book pro! okay this is only temporary(i.e., till one of you buy it for me [o:)] ). But I dream of a gadget with unlimited connectivity to net, small enough to carry around in style and offer large display(think of halographic projection or rollable display) to please the eyes and exotic music for ears.
• A jet powerwed surf board that hovers in air
• A Samurai sword, a Dagger of time and in general.. "..guns, lots 'n lots of them."
• Mind, body co-ordination. It was decided and declared long back that I don't have this.
• This might not make sence to many, but all I really want is a kiss.

I really hate

• Dishonesty, double standards, hypocrisy
• Incompetance and those who support it.(Doesn't have anything to do with recent reservations controversy, I've always been against it)
• Who ever comments about/messes with my sister, my Darkmatter(that's my PC), my friends and any one I like. And yeah add my work to the list.
• Stupids who think abusive words are cool and generally such ignorant idiots
• One mister Jayanth and another guy I don't know the name. I would kill them if I got a chance

embarrassing fannish admissions

• Cartoons
• My PC and my phone and every other gadget I own; i like them together :)
• Talking to my best friend, Harita, about anything and everything I could imagine.
• My sister
• My sister
• My sister
That's three sisters: Swetha, Pinky, Swarna; Don't bother about the order though. Actually I like all my sisters.
• ..then it's my sister, Swetha. I know I mentioned earlier but I really love her above anything else

Leave the tagging for now. I'll add it later. Guys I know are busy at the moment.

edit 20060415: Here I get to tag people, Let's start with Satish, Bharath.