desires and desperations

Have you ever wondered what is wrong with you. Why everything goes against you and you can realise your mistakes only when things get carried away too long.

I did. I mean.. I do, always. Everything I plan meteculously, All the contingensy plans I draw, looks and works just fine, that is until the point where I think it's all done and would be a gr8 thing. But suddenly I realise that I have lost everything long time back and I can't do a thing about it. It feels like the very ground I stand upon and all the foundations I have laid are being washed away by a strong current called fate, and everything comes trembling down. Yes!, fate. I wouldn't like to attribute all my stupid mistakes to fate, but still I can't reason why the mistakes too stupid not to be taken care of are giggling behind my back. I can't find any other word good enough than fate. Try if you can help me with more appropriate word.

An interesting side track, I feel like I have become dumb all of a sudden. I was writing this post, one moment my mind is racing ahead of my fingers thinking of all the matter that follows, composing the sentances and finding right words. The next moment it feels as if I lost it all. I can't understand what I'm writing. I felt like an idiot who doesn't know any words. I found my self reading the lines I typed till then over and over again. Then all of a sudden, bam. I'm thinking again. And the sentances are flowing again.

Have you too felt the same any time. Please let me know. Tell me if you know what is/might be happening to me. As I'm writing this, It happend again. I can't understand what is going on with me. First the disappointments and then these dumb feelings. I'm already insane and now I'm getting crazy.